surprise, surprise...

8 am this morning my phone rings after only 4 hours of sleep. (5 of us girls snuck out last night and went to Sal's, an all-night diner here in town.) So the phone rings and I hit snooze on my alarm. It keeps ringing. I try to figure out what it is and where my phone is, etc... Finally, I answer. This is the conversation that took place.

Me: Mm, Hello.
Dad: Good morning sunshine.
Me: Good morning.
Dad: Did I wake you up?
Me: Yeah.
Dad: Let's see, what time is it there? It's 11 here so it's what, 8am there?
Me: Yeah. And I just went to bed at 4am.
Dad: Oh, late night, eh?
Me: Yep.
Dad: What time do you have to be up and around today?
Me: Oh we have graduation rehearsal at 9am, then a BBQ at 11:30, then a baptism service at 2, and a banquet tonight at 5.
Dad: Wow! That sounds like a busy day. So how was your retreat?
Me: Oh it was a lot of fun but it went way too fast.
Dad: I bet. I bet it was kinda hard too since everyone's leaving and it was your last solid time together.
Me: Yeah, it was hard. But it was also very good.
Dad: So, if you have to be at rehearsal at 9am, do you have time for breakfast?
Me: Mmm, I don't know. I don't usually eat breakfast, especially... Wait... WHAT?
Dad: Do you have time to go out for breakfast with your Dad?
Me: WHAT?
Dad: Yeah, I am on campus in the guest duplex. I came in last night and spent the night here.
Me: Are you serious?
Dad: Yeah, I am serious. Do you want to go have breakfast?
Me: Dad, are you sure? Are you serious?
Dad: Yes I am serious. Be out front in 10 minutes.
Me (through tears): Are you being for real?
Dad: Just be out front in 10 minutes and find out.

I don't think I have ever gotten up that fast - especially after only just a few hours of sleep. But I went and he was there and it was the best surprise in the world. Yesterday my friend Stephanie said that she might come up this summer and that made my day. But this made my weekend, I think. I was so thankful! The past couple days I was walking around kinda sad 'cause it seemed like almost everyone elses' families were coming in and I wanted my dad to be here to see me graduate. I mentioned this a couple times to a few of the staff and they knew all along that he was coming. (They all know my dad because he was on staff here in 2002 so it made it very easy for him to do.) He planned it just this last Wednesday so it was all very fast. I couldn't believe it. So I had breakfast with my dad today and it was wonderful to see him. He will be here just until Monday morning but I am so thankful that he came. It really means a lot to me. It was the best graduation gift I could get. I love my daddy!

like a paparazzo shooting photos of the celebrity of God...

I've found it. My favorite place on earth, that is. An hour and a half drive south and west from here (about 90 miles) will take you to a little town called Homer, AK. It's a fishing village with a beautiful backdrop of mountains. The "spit" juts out into the inlet 4 miles. They've built up the "spit" with shops, restaurants, bars, tourist attractions, etc... so that in summer the place is overrun with people. But the rest of the year it's fairly calm and quiet. I participated in a run/walk to Homer. Over the course of 2 months we accumulated miles and tracked them. If we made the 90 miles it is between here and Homer then we qualified to go and eat pizza at Fat Olives (best pizza in the world, by the way). So we went this last Saturday. Here's just a small part of what I saw.

I got within just 3-5 feet of this bald eagle. He just sat there watching me as I snapped his picture like the paparazzo. Here's one of the best ones. This one really seems to accentuate his size; he was huge.


Here's another shot of him. This one is my absolute favorite. Probably one of my favorite shots I have ever taken. I love it. The shadows and light on the mountains in the background. The way his head is turned toward me. The boats and the water.


Here he is flying.


While we there a storm moved in and then out again. On its way out, I snapped this shot of the sun piercing through the storm clouds.


On the way back to Soldotna the sun was setting and it was glorious. This doesn't begin to capture the beauty of it in person. The mountain that you see in this picture is Mount Redoubt (pronounced reed-out), an active volcano across the inlet.


This is another shot of the sunset.


Beautiful memories. Snapshots in my mind for me to always remember. Maybe someday you all will come and visit me and you will be able to see the awesome beauty of this place for yourself. It's resplendent!

i am so awesome...

It's true. God said so. And he proved it when he made me.

I did a word study on the first 18 verses of Psalm 139, which, by the way, is probably my most favorite passage in the Bible (although there are some other ones that are pretty mind-blowing). Basically, I looked up the verse and then I took the key words (nouns, adjectives, verbs, etc...) and looked them up in an exhaustive concordance for the original Hebrew word. And then I looked at the original word's more correct transliteration. Finally I rewrote the passage using what I had found. So it's like my own version of The Message. How rad is that? So here's what I found... Hike up your socks 'cause this'll blow 'em off (at least it did me).

"O Creator God, with whom I have a covenant relationship, you have examined and investigated me, and you understand me intimately. You know me, where I dwell and what inhabits me. You know when I sit and when I rise. You consider with full attention my intentions from afar. You measure my way of living and see me when I lie down; you are familiar with all my collective thoughts, my moral character, and my course of life. Before a word is in my mouth, you know it completely, O Creator God. You encircle me; you go forever with me and follow close behind me. Even in ancient times, you were already with me. Your presence with me is eternal and everlasting. You are with me from the west to the east and from the east to the west. You have laid your power and strength upon me. Such understanding and wisdom is too incomprehensible, too extraordinary for me, too exalted for me to grasp. Where can I go from your breath, from your Spirit? Where can I escape the favor of your presence? If I go up to the place of the stars, sky, and air, you are there; if I were to go to the grave, you would be there. If I were to rise on the wings of daybreak you would be there. Even on the far sides of the sea, I am still within your reach. When I settle for other gods, you still have not left me. Your power continues to guide me and bring me back to you, away from the others that I have put before you, the one true God. Even when I put other things before you, you do not do the same with me. When I put other things ahead of you, you still keep me fastened to your right hand. If I say, “Surely, I can hide in my ignorance and my happy attitude will be dissolved into the pleasures of the night,” even the darkness will not be dark to you. Even my ignorance does not hide me from you. You will make my face shine and establish favorable circumstance with me and provide peace and relief from trouble. The night will be resplendent with your light, like the day, for darkness is as the morning light to you. For you brought forth my inmost heart, mind, and spirit; you knit me together in my mother’s womb. I make a public confession of your excellence because I am so awesome, so marvelous. When you made me, it caused others to be astounded by my wonder. I know by experience that your works are wonderful; I understand that completely. My bones were not concealed from you when I was made from the dust of the earth behind the veil; your eyes saw my unformed body. I was embroidered, woven together, using colored thread. I am colorful, vibrant. My forever was crafted by you and was engraved in stone tablets before I was even conceived. Oh, how precious, how costly, to me are your thoughts, Mighty One! How numerous and powerful is the sum of them. If I were to proclaim them, they would outnumber the grains of sand and I would be proclaiming them into all eternity. When I go through summer, even as the seasons change and pass me by, I am still with you."

And to think, this is true of each and every one of us. So you're awesome too. *_*

call to the masses...

This is an urgent prayer request...

I have a friend that I have had since high school who means a great deal to me that is in a very painful state right now. He is contemplating suicide. He is not a believer. He grew up Mormon and is now in more of an agnostic belief than anything else. Knowing that he's sensitive to conversations about God, I have witnessed to him in very mild, non-confrontational ways. He knows I attend a Christian college and that I am studying the Bible, and that I am a Christian but I haven't really shared with him the depth of my experiences and transformation. I am hesitant to do so because of his past experiences and because of his sensitivity to that subject. My heart grieves and hurts for him. Here's an excerpt from an email that I received from him just today:

I would say things are peachy, but I'd be lying. I take forever to open up
to someone, but once I do I go all out. I exposed myself more to this girl
than I ever have anyone before. She knew me better than my own family.
When someone that close leaves you, saying they have found better, what does
that say about me? A knife wound would heal faster. I feel worthless.

Yeah, I put on a good appearance. A show. A facade. I'm not smart. I'm not
nice. I don't know how to treat people well. I can't see the screen cause
I'm breaking apart. :-( I appreaciate you being my friend. Thank you for
being you. Putting up with me. I hope she is happy. I hope he treats her well.

It's sad to know you were dragging someone down. What is the meaning of life? To suffer? To see how much crap you will take before you break? Well, I'm brittle. Weak and shallow. I know many have it 1000 times worse. I'm not trying to be Woe is Me. I'm looking for a way to escape all this pain. I'm sad.

He does not read this blog so I am not worried about that. And I will not share his name with you given the nature of his state. I just beg of you to please lift him up in your prayers. Incessantly. And lift me up as well that I might receive from the Holy Spirit the right words to say to him when he calls me tomorrow night as he's promised. Pray that I would be sensitive to his situation and not "turn him off" so to speak, to the Word of God. Thanks in advance for all your prayers for my friend.

love, death, life, power...

We sang this song Easter morning, over and over again. I had sung it before but this time I really paid attention to the words, I felt them. I sang them in my heart. By his love and grace I was found, in his death I was ransomed, in his resurrected life I was promised eternal life, and in his power I now and forever stand.

In Christ alone my hope is found
He is my light, my strength, my song
This Cornerstone, this solid ground
Firm through the fiercest drought and storm
What heights of love, what depths of peace
When fears are stilled, when strivings cease
My Comforter, my All in All
Here in the love of Christ I standIn Christ alone, who took on flesh
Fullness of God in helpless babe
This gift of love and righteousness
Scorned by the ones He came to save
‘Til on that cross as Jesus died
The wrath of God was satisfied
For every sin on Him was laid
Here in the death of Christ I liveThere in the ground His body lay
Light of the world by darkness slain
Then bursting forth in glorious Day
Up from the grave He rose again
And as He stands in victory
Sin’s curse has lost its grip on me
For I am His and He is mine
Bought with the precious blood of ChristNo guilt of life, no fear in death
This is the power of Christ in me
From life’s first cry to final breath
Jesus commands my destiny
No power of hell, no scheme of man
Can ever pluck me from His hand
‘til He returns or calls me home
Here in the power of Christ I’ll stand

spiritual act of worship...

I love my church here in Kenai. I felt the presence of God fully this morning in worship on this Easter morning. They remain in the spirit, they live in the spirit, they speak in the spirit, they worship in the spirit. It's so refreshing.

As I had my hands raised in worship this morning and felt the Spirit bathing me in love a thought came over me. I want to live every moment as a disciple. The disciples' lifestyle was drastically different than other believers of Jesus' day. What would it look like to live that way? Loving, questioning, fervently seeking, always living in the presence of Jesus, traveling with him, working with him, fellowshipping with him. While I can't travel with him, incarnate, I can go to where he is working and work with him there. So, it is now an ambition of mine to live as a disciple in every moment.

I watched Mel's Passion of the Christ again on Friday night. After seeing it several times it still had a profound effect on me. I hope it always has a profound effect and I hope that it even intensifies. I was annoyed with those watching it with me. I was sitting in awe and wonder at Jesus my Savior, and they were laughing and talking throughout the movie. I wanted to grab them and shake them and say, "Don't you understand? Don't you get it? This is what really happened. Actually it isn't even half of what really happened but it still gives us a picture of his sacrifice for US! The least you could do is be reverent." But I didn't say anything. I sat there mourning with my hands up around my face so no one would see. I really tried to process everything that was happening, to imagine myself there in the crowd, to fully comprehend the magnitude of it all. But I couldn't fully comprehend it and I probably never will this side of Heaven. It's all so fantastical; it's hard to believe. But I put my faith in it and I believe in it with conviction. Someone died for me so that I might live forever. Me. Little, insignificant me had someone think enough of her to sacrifice his own life for mine. The least I could do is give my life back to him. Romans 12:1 says: "Therefore, I urge you, brothers, in view of God's mercy, to offer your bodies as living sacrifices, holy and pleasing to God—this is your spiritual act of worship."

I wrote this following my first viewing of the Passion of the Christ the night it opened in the theaters a couple years ago.

I remember you willingly hanging there
Bloodied and beaten and broken for me.
Perfect flesh torn just so I could be reborn;
Asking me to believe in it if I dare:
“Will you accept this gift?” came your plea.
And you handed down to me a robe and crown
And said “These things along with so much more could be your own
If when this life and world are through
You can honestly say that I lived in you.”
When I saw your life was near it’s end
I argued “No it cannot be – You are my Friend.
Your life for mine? Father…” I started to cry.
“My King, Love of my Life, Lord – who am I?”
So much time has passed since then
So many thing are happening.
There are still questions that I do not understand
And just like before you comfort me“
Trust me Sweet Child, it’s in the plan.”
So every morning I faithfully rise with the sun, and
Thus starts my constant prayer for you to come.
I empty myself daily that there may be more room for You.
I die to myself daily that I may live more fully in You.
Each day I am amazed that you thought enough of me
To offer down not only a robe and crown
But the gift of all eternity.
You thought enough of me to call me your Sweet Child
And with your own perfect life
It was mine you reconciled.

pictures worth a thousand words...

A few of the dogs that I took mushing last Saturday in Unalakleet, AK (up by Nome)...



'Nessa and I getting ready to go out and Adam just standing around...


We had just returned from mushing...



Marie, Rachel, Rachel, 'Nessa, Salena, Abe, Adam, Doug at our western-themed dinner last Saturday night at the Covenant Church in Unalakleet, AK...



Jamie Jafar Sighafi or "Sir Goof-offie", a drummer, and Aaron Espe who led worship for us last weekend (and who is amazing by the way) and then followed us home to Soldotna to do an intimate concert for us on campus this last Monday the 9th...



Aune the assistant director for CYAK, Aaron Espe, Doug Swanson CYAK staff, and Erik Young who just completed his internship as youth pastor in Unalakleet and is on his way to North Park in Chicago to finish up his schooling before graduation. This photo was taken as they were all leaving ACC's campus yesterday after spending a few days with us. I miss them all already...



Blassi, this year's class president, strumming away on the guitar...



Blassi and me...



me, Blassi, Jimmy and Sylvia T...



With just two weeks left of school before graduation, I am filled with sadness. The few people in these pictures have become part of my story. Blassi has been an excellent fellow leader on campus and, as another older student on campus, has also been a good friend. He leaves after graduation for boot camp in Texas for the Air National Guard. Pray for him as he has never experienced that kind of heat and humidity before and he'll be in Texas and Kansas for 5 months in the middle of summer. He leaves next February probably for his first tour in Iraq. I will miss him dearly.

you've all heard the saying, "grab a bull by the horns?"

This is me. This is me grabbing the horns of a bull. The picture has not been modified in any way. So yes, that's really me grabbing the bull's horns.

Pictures of my weekend in Unalakleet coming soon. I got to mush dogs while I was there. And I learned that you don't actually say, "mush" to the dogs. That's really just a French-Canadian thing.

Stay tuned...

prayer requests and promises...

Pictures coming soon and more updates and lotsa good stuff...

But for now, pray for me as I leave today to go on a mission trip to Unalakleet, Alaska. It's on the Norton Sound, up by Nome. It's going to be cold. It's going to be exhausting. It's going to be rewarding working with the youth there at the annual Youth Rally. But I need prayer starting right now about the flight on which I am getting ready to go. I don't want to get sick but I have such a sensitive tummy and on those smaller planes even the smallest bump can feel like the tallest roller coaster in the world. And it's cloudy today and windy and there's bound to be lotsa turbulence. I appreciate your prayers for that and for the youth I will be serving and the rest of my team, etc... And I promise to give you an update when I return on Sunday. There's a good possibility of getting snowed in there at least one night, in which case, I have no idea when I'll be back. Just look for another update next week. Love you all! You're the best!