i am moving...

Because my template seems to be all jabberwockied (ie: my archive dates are all messed up and I don't know how to fix it), I am moving. To visit me at my new home, click here.

that illuminating glory...

I didn't understand it then, what I was saying, and maybe I still don't. Perhaps I never will fully comprehend the extent of the power of my words that day. I didn't know that they would change my life, or what little was left of it, and then the next life too. Let me start again...

The air was thick with death that day. You could feel it crawling on your skin and smell it in your nostrils and taste it even on your tongue, and perhaps most gauche of all, you could see it, witness it, with your eyes. Maybe it was the unusually balmy weather that day that played to my senses. But death, no doubt, permeated the air. As did the smell of jasmine. Looking back on it now, it was the smell of jasmine that seemed out of place to me. How was it that such a beautiful and pure aroma did not get drowned out or overpowerd by the depravity of the other?

I couldn't believe how they were treating him with such disdain and hate. Who were they that they believed they could do that, anyway? Like Jesus said, "He who is without sin cast the first stone." And I knew none of them were sinless. I had no actual evidence of them committing a crime except what was happening right in front of me. They were doing it so willingly, and with such ease that I was repulsed with the sight of it. It reeked of old crimes committed in their pasts, and, truthfully, my own. I don't think they would have been able to do the things they did that day without having had shady pasts of some sort. To treat an innocent man like that... It's unspeakable.

I deserved everything I got that day and more. But not him. He was completely innocent, absolutely sinless. Why should he suffer for my sins? Or the sins of the world simply because his father loved us that much? I don't understand it, even now, 2000 years later. It seems so foreign to me, too surreal to comprehend. But I know it was real because I was there, I witnessed it all firsthand.

I didn't know 33 years prior to that day, and before he was even born, that I would one day meet him. I had met his mother and Joseph on the road. They were on their way to Egypt and I was part of a band of thieves. We were set to jump them and take everything they had, but I felt something, even then. It was something that I can't put words to, but I just remember this sense of absolute sacredness, like they were the work of a miracle somehow. I told the others with me not to do anything to them, not to harm them, and just to let them pass. The woman, Mary, looked at me with such gratefulness and I could have sworn that I saw the face of God in her. The glory of it was so heavy that it forced me to my knees.

I remember that I used to wish I was still kneeling there in that spot. In the remnants of that illuminating glory. It would mean that I would never have done all the stuff that I ended up doing, I would never have hurt anyone else, I would never have been the person that I became. But then I also know that I wouldn't be where I am today if I had stayed there.

Thirty-three years later I met him after having heard of him on countless occasions. The very moment I saw him I knew that he was the miracle I felt the presence of all those years prior. And then there we were, both being whipped and beaten and scourged and degraded and defiled. I deserved far more than I got but he deserved none of it and yet received at least 5 times what I did. I was so ashamed. I couldn't even look at him, even though the one time I did I was met with a look of such deep, profound love. I could read in his face that he knew who I was. Maybe his mother had told him the story of the thief that let them pass all those years ago. Or maybe he just knew. Either way, it didn't matter. He knew me without ever having spoken to me. And I was utterly terrified because of it.

Pontius Pilate had him stand before the crowd with Barabbas, a murderer. Pilate then asked them, the crowd, which one to release: the known killer or the innocent man, thinking that they would come to their senses about it all. But the rulers had whipped them into such a frenzy that they all cried out, "Crucify him! Crucify him! Crucify him!" until Pilate relented. He released Barabbas into the streets and set forth the events that had been prophesied hundreds of years earlier would change the world's history, and surrendering Jesus to their will.

They nailed us to crosses, big beams of wood that were sorely unforgiving. And put us on display for others to mock and spit at. Most of them ignored my friend and I and instead threw words of hate and scorn at Jesus, laughing at him, saying that he had saved others so if he really was the Messiah why didn't he call on God and his angels to save himself. "If you save yourself and come down from there, we will believe in you," the chief priests and elders called out. All that he could say in response was, "Father, forgive them, for they know not what they do." They divided up his clothes by casting lots. And my friend even called out to him, forgetting all too quickly that he was in no position to mock another, for he himself was the subject of others' mocking. But he called out, "If you are truly Christ, then save yourself, and us."

My embarrassment for my friend didn't keep me quiet. Instead I said between agonizing breaths, "Do you not fear God? Are you not under the same sentence, fool? We deserve everything we've been given today. But not him, he has done no wrong." And turning to finally meet Jesus gaze, "Remember me when you enter your kingdom today." And it was those words that I didn't understand at the time, or even now, how they would change things so drastically for me. I had no idea what words he would speak to me, if any, nor did I have any expectation of them being fulfilled once he uttered them into the air. "I tell you the truth, today you will be with me in Paradise." Once he said them, I felt a shift inside me. I didn't know then that it wasn't just death tightening its grip on me, or just Satan calling me a fool for putting hope in such things for who was I to even think that I might enter into the Kingdom of God? All of these things played in my head over and over again as the sky opened up and rained down a cleansing flood into the now dark landscape.

A while later he cried loudly, "Eloi, Eloi, lama sabachthani?" Someone below ran to offer him a sponge dipped in vinegar. Jesus cried out again and then fell silent for the last time. It was the events immediately following his silence that shook me. The temple curtain tore in two, inviting God's people into his holy presence. The earth shook and the rocks split and many who had died were brought back to life. When all this happened those who had been mocking him were terrified and exclaimed, "Surely he was the Son of God!"

Shortly after all that had happened, I was surprised to find myself in Heaven looking down and watching people crucify him all over again, day after day, and rejoicing with the angels when they repented, as I did all those years ago, ensuring their entrance to a place far beyond their imaginations, where we will all forever be in the presence of that illuminating glory.

This is a story based on true events, as if told by Dismas, the thief that went with Jesus into Paradise that day.

remembering mom...

I think I posted this a year ago today. But that's okay with me. I can make it a sort-of annual tradition. Today marks the seventh anniversary of the beginning of my mother's new life in heaven. I wrote this on the one-year anniversary of that beginning.

When liquid prism raindrops darken the path where I tread,
And thunderstorms spill ravenous but sweet upon my head,
It is then that I remember.
Behold the days of puddle-jumping up and down the street.
Gazing when it finally stopped at how everything looked:
so fresh, so green.
Breathing in the cool, clean air,
wishing we could always remain there.
When sunshine sneaks its way in through my window again
Like a long lost friend I haven't seen since who knows when,
It is then that I remember.
Behold the endless days of summer get-aways,
And sleeping late until the sun warms my face.
Climbing mountains, making wishes in fountains.
Roller skates, bike rides, somersaults and cartwheels
- playing in the yard.
Sunrises, sunsets, outdoor meals
- never thought remembering would be this hard,
A kite to fly and fireworks on the Fourth of July.
When leaves turn from green to gold to orange to red and brown,
Wood burns in fireplaces and cold and hard becomes the ground,
It is then that I remember.
Behold the cool nights of hayrides and bonfires that crackle,
Hot cocoa to hold and echoes of laughter.
Dressing up as hobos to collect all those candies and treats.
School starts again, making new friends,
Tasting the first eggnog of the year, thick and sweet;
Nights would get longer and we'd pull out our flannel sheets.
When snowflakes whiten my world with frost on glass
- fresh beauty unfurled,
And ice breaks the trees of their fragile leaves,
and drops them into the past,
It is then that I remember.
Behold long winters of Christmas caroling,
Holding on tight while down the hill we'd go barreling.
Forts of white stocked with weapons of snowballs,
Ready to fight; afterward snow angels and sugar plum dreams for all.
All cozy and warm curled up by the fire;
telling stories while we sipped hot cider.
When nighttime comes like the magic of a whisper
That moves me to lean in as though to keep it there -
Right there in the intimate air
between me and the one who whispered,
It is then that I remember.
Behold the nights of silvery lights:
white diamonds on a black velvet sky
Gazed upon by so many in a life gone by.
You once stood too in awe of what surrounded you.
But I remember this a different way,
It was your beauty your light that took my breath away.
Only you could make a trillion stars seem to go out at night.
As each second passes and I view this world
through rose-colored glasses,
It is then that I remember, I cherish, and I treasure
Your life, your breath,
and all you left me in the short time you spent on earth.
Like memories that did not go with you and faith beyond measure -
Priceless things, valuable things,
intangible things of boundless worth.
Though your face glowed a silvery gold and outshone the moon
I'll always remember it as the light that went out too soon.

off to chicago...

I am heading to Anchorage in just a couple hours to hang out with my friend Blassi tonight and then head to Chicago early in the morning. I will be visiting North Park University while I am there. They are actually footing the bill for my trip, which I must say is very nice. I hope to thaw out some while I am there too. It has been very cold here but it's been sunny and clear too - very beautiful from inside. I am anxious to get to some warmer weather and to be in the Midwest again even if only for a few days.

I will post again when I return.

my reckless abandonment...

I had heard of him, yes. I had been hearing of him for quite some time. People had been telling me of his work for quite some time: how he would heal people even on the Sabbath; how he would dare to tell people that their sins are forgiven; how he would hang out with the least, the last people on earth that everyone else expected he should hang out with, but not only that, he sought them out!; and how one of his friends, Peter, had once walked on water because he said that he could; how he would simply say to someone, "Follow me," and that person would drop everything, completely transfixed, and follow him so close they were covered in the dust he kicked up. In the beginning, I thought Who does he think he is, telling people that kind of stuff? And it went from that to Man, who is that guy? and then to I want to meet this man, this mystery. I didn't originally know why I wanted to meet him, or at least get a good look at him, I just knew that I did. Maybe just to find out what he looked like, if he looked normal or not, who he was, if he was really who they said he was, and could really do the things that I had been hearing about, that kind of thing.

I knew I was the last person who should have been thinking thoughts about meeting someone so... extraordinary. A woman who has a past colored as dark as mine had no business entertaining such thoughts. I mean, it wasn't even all entirely in my past, it was my present too. How many mistakes had I made, did I continue to make over and over for that matter? And I mean, come on, who did I think I was anyway? I wasn't fooling anybody. I was convinced that I would be the exception, the one that he would look at pityingly and then after a minute, would say completely exasperated, "Hope and faith in me is not enough for you. Your past is too dark, too full of shadows and deceit. I cannot help you. You should just go home now."

I was so sure that would be his reaction to me if I even tried. So when I heard that he was in Bethany, at the home of Simon, a leper, I almost didn't go. I imagined the scene over and over again in my head. My eyes pleading for his favor and for his touch, asking him to love me. His deep brown eyes not even meeting mine. The white of his robe shining so brilliantly that I couldn't look at it, only at the dirt floor in front of me, and the toes of his feet. His rejection of me and then the hushed laughter and condemning whispers of the others gathered there. And then me, turning to go, trying to keep my head above water as I swam out fighting the weight of my shame, mocking me by pushing me under. And then, at last, I would give up and have to be dragged out, even though the thoughts of them putting their self-righteous Pharisee hands on me was worse than drowning in my own guilt and shame. The scene was a little different every time I went over it in my head but the end was always the same. And then something happened the last time that I tried to imagine it. I had just been dragged out and left just outside the doorway. I raised my head to see what it was that I felt on my hand. And a serpent slithered its way over my skin and then turned to look at me, right in the eyes, flicking his tongue at me as if to say, "Ha ha ha, and you actually thought he would tell you that everything would be okay now? You should have known better; you should have known that you aren't worth it." And that's when I knew that I had to go and try.

I quickly finished hanging the wash on the line and told my mother I would be out for a while. I grabbed the alabaster jar of perfume from where my father had been keeping it for me, and I set out for Simon's house. My parents were saving it for me, as was custom, as part of my dowry. When I married I was to break it over my husband's feet, anointing them with the sweet-smelling ointment inside, as a symbol of abandoning all that I had for him, that I would give everything I had to offer, what little it was, to him. I knew it was expensive, worth a year's wages, and that they might be angry with me later for it. I don't know what told me to take it but my heart told me that if I did, that he would take it and use it and give me back something better, something even more valuable.

I arrived there and saw the great crowd of people gathered there. They spilled out the doorway into the yard. I imagined most of them were curious, as I was, about this mysterious man. I shoved my way through them, carefully protecting the fragile jar in my hands. I entered and saw Simon first, though I did not recognize him right away for his wounds were all healed; he was clean and smiling. And then my eyes were drawn elsewhere, to a stranger that was seated in the center. He was dressed in a robe so brilliant white that I could not look at it directly. Instead I sought his eyes and when I finally met them, I fell to my knees. I had never seen eyes so filled with compassion and love. They stole the breath from within me, they were so beautiful. I was able to bring myself to crawl across the floor, weeping as I went. Tears of joy, tears of praise, tears of love, and happiness; but there were no tears of guilt or shame there that day. I made my way to him and when I finally arrived I raised myself up beside him, and the jar along with me. I uncorked the jar and poured all of it over his head, abandoning all that I had to offer to him. I was whispering to him words of praise and worship, offering prayers so effortlessly even though at the time I didn't realize that was what I was doing. My hands reached out then and massaged the perfume into his hair.

I had not noticed that it had been quiet until some spoke, first in whispers, and then finally someone out loud: "Why this waste? This perfume could have been sold at a high price and the money given to the poor." I couldn't see them from where I was kneeling, my hands tangled in his hair. But I wasn't there to see whoever it was that was speaking; I was simply there to see him. Then, he turned to look at me and brought his hand up to touch my arm, and grabbing my hand he raised me to my feet, standing himself. He turned to look somewhere behind me and said, "Why are you bothering this woman? She has done a beautiful thing to me. The poor you will always have with you, but you will not always have me. When she poured this perfume on my body, she did it to prepare me for burial. I tell you the truth, wherever this gospel is preached throughout the world, what she has done will also be told, in memory of her." I was stunned. He really had taken what I had given him and used it. And he had given me something far greater and far more valuable: unconditional love, something I knew no other man would be able to give me.

But I was also stunned by something else. He mentioned that I had prepared him for burial. I had only just met this man and I knew then that I was in love with him. But he was going to die, and not just someday, but very soon. A deeper reality of that would sink in much later but at that moment my grief was overwhelmed with the joy of the present. He turned back to me and looked deep into my heart. He brought his hand to touch my face, in that intimate place where my jaw and neckline meet. "Your hope and your faith in me has saved you. You have offered to me the greatest offering you could give, yourself. All that you had to give you freely gave. Go in peace." I turned and left, upright and without the weight of my guilt and shame pushing me under. And as I exited the house I looked to my left and saw there a serpent slithering quickly away from me, his head sliding on the ground hung low in his own shame for he had been defeated again.

This was based on the biblical story of the woman who poured her alabaster jar of ointment over Jesus' head. It has been fictionalized to depict how I imagined it.

i am...

*in conversations with 2 local Rotary Clubs and 2 local mayors about sponsoring me on my trip to London.
*trying to work in a trip to Chicago to visit North Park University over Spring Break in just a couple weeks.
*seriously rethinking my previous decision to go to Oak Hills Christian College in Minnesota to finish my degree. North Park is cheaper, just a little; it's closer to home; has a wider variety of classes; has more opportunities for ministry and outreach internationally and more of a social justice emphasis; is more reputable; but also has less financial aid options.
*changing my major (yes, again!) to Biblical and Theological Studies with either a double major in Psychology or Sociology (I have taken significantly more Psych classes than I have Soc classes though...) or a minor in one of the two.
*going to Anchorage for the weekend for the start of the Iditarod race. I am really looking forward to taking part in this huge aspect of Alaskan culture and history.
*sorry for neglecting my blog friends. I haven't read anyone's blog in a while and I haven't posted anything for a week. I miss you guys and I do think about you all often. I promise to return to blogdom soon, hopefully very soon.
*working on a couple ideas for future posts so stay tuned.
*becoming increasingly frustrated with my Peace Studies class. Some of the things that we read and talk about in that class are so... I don't know... I just want to laugh sometimes at some of the hot air that's being blown in that room. I can't explain it. For instance, in the assigned reading, I read that by eating meat we are killing Mother Nature and killing our future children (although the book actually says "eating the flesh of our future children..."). It is definitely stretching me in terms of forcing me to speak out for my faith.
*exhausted and going to bed now.


Check back the first part of next week for another update. I won't have computer access this weekend while I am away.

a recap of the last week or so...

The last week to week and a half has been good. Valentine's Day was pleasant for the most part aside from the hurtful comments of one gentleman who has since sought forgiveness and I gave it. I went away on a retreat last weekend up north of Anchorage. It was nice and much needed. It was on spiritual armour and spiritual warfare and the authority that is given to us by the Lord Jesus Christ. I learned a lot about exercising that authority directly instead of going through God. For instance, I had been having dreams lately about demons and possession. I would pray to God that if there was anything there with me that wasn't from him that he would drive it away. Of course, there's nothing wrong with that but I learned that I can be even more effective by commanding the devil myself directly to leave. I have tried it and it is indeed more effective. And I started getting money in for my trip to London in April which is good. And I have more coming that's been promised to me which is also very good. I am getting quite excited about my trip. If anyone knows of someone that lives in London that wouldn't mind taking in a female college student for a few days I would appreciate the contact and a warm place to put my head.

And tonight I had a date. It was a first date all over again with a guy that I had been out with before, last October, several times and then wound up being different than I had originally thought. He contacted me about a month ago probably apologizing profusely and saying that he was glad I told him how I felt, etc., that he didn't expect me to forgive him but that he was sorry anyway and how horrified he was at the things he said to me the last time I saw him. He went on to say how beautiful, intelligent, and fun to be with I am. And how he had spent the last 4 months or so in a place where he had to deal with a lot of things, ugly things in his life and how much it had changed him. I had forgiven him back in October fairly quickly after that last night but I waited a few days after receiving his email and then called him to tell him as much. He was, of course, shocked to hear from me but I told him that I forgave him and we talked a while. And thus began a month or so of getting reacquainted with each other through email and over the phone. I was able to read some blogs of his (I don't link to him and he doesn't know about mine) and from what I read it was fairly evident that he had in fact done some changing and decided that it would be hard for him to put up that kind of a facade with all the people that read his blog if it was only for my benefit. It seemed as though he was being very intentional with me and I really enjoyed it. He called me on Valentine's Day, I think it was, and left a voice mail asking if he could take me out sometime. So when I got his message we agreed on tonight and continued to email back and forth and talked on the phone last night. And this morning when I got to work and logged into my email I got this message from him...

I think you have great ideas and I'm looking forward to seeing you.
A few days ago, while I was walking the (snowy) beach during lunchtime, I remembered your words. When I asked you one night last fall what the ocean was saying to you, you said, "I am God and I am awesome." And you expanded your thoughts for my benefit. Makes me think of Job 12:8, "Speak to the earth, and it will teach you." See ya tonight!

It made me smile. And the day flew by and I met him at Veronica's at seven o'clock for a steamer and some great jazz music. He was already there when I arrived. He stood when he saw me and gave me a hug and it was comforting and familiar. We sat and talked by the fire and listened to the band play. His blue eyes would search me and reach into places long forgotten. We talked about seeing a movie but because he had an hour drive ahead of him to go home we called it an early night. He hugged me and promised to call me again soon. I don't know what I think right now. It seemed good but I don't want to be naive about this. He knows that he's on probation with me, that if he treats me even remotely similar to the way he did before that he's out for good. I want to believe him but I am just not sure. I want to trust that God has the very best for me and I don't want to settle for anything less. I want to be smart about love. Not that I am in love with him but I just want to be smarter about matters of the heart than I have been in the past.

Poppa, I wish that you were close by. I would come over and talk to you about all this stuff. And you could maybe meet him too. You've always been a good judge of character it seems like. I miss you and I love you.

happiness is love shaped...

In honor of Valentine's Day, I put the word love into the slogan generator (see the link in my sidebar under online entertainment) to see what it would come up with. These are the results; some are really quite profound and some are simply fun. Enjoy!

Love is mightier than the sword!
Every kiss begins with love.
Come to life, come to love.
Behold the power of love.
Only love can prevent forest fires.
Happiness is a cigar called love.
Go on, get your love out.
The love effect.
Love really satisfies.
I’d walk a mile for a love.
Happiness is love-shaped.
Built love tough!
Love: It’s everywhere you wanna be.
Grab life by the love.
Let the love out.
Let the love begin.
I saw love and I thought of you.
Love – the freshmaker!
Splash love all over.
Fill it to the rim with love.
It’s how love is done.
Simple impartial love.
See the love, feel the shine.
Wear love.
You can be sure of love.
A day without love is a day without sunshine.
A different kind of company. A different kind of love.
Designed for love.
Love saves your soul.
We do love right!
I scream, you scream, we all scream for love.
A love works wonders.
What can love do for you?
It’s a beautiful love.
Out of the strong came forth love.
Turn loose the love.
Challenge love.
Don’t get mad. Get love.
4 out of 5 dentists/doctors recommend love.
Don’t be vague. Ask for love.
Ding-dong! Love calling!
The love of a new generation.
It needn’t be hell with love.
Love is Job #1.
If you can’t beat love, join love.
Only a fool breaks the love.
Don’t leave home without love.
When the going gets tough, the tough get love.
You’re never alone with love.
Love makes everything better/taste better.
The best part of waking up is love in your cup.
Made In Scotland From Love.
Bridge that gap with love.
Watch out, there’s love about.
Love born and bred.
You need a love.
It’s how love is done.
It’s a love adventure.
Keep that love complexion.
We’ll leave the love on for you.
There’s always room for love.
My anti-drug is love.
My doctor says, “Love.”
Love wanted.
This is not your father’s love.
Promise her anything but give her love.
Moving at the speed of love.
Love tested, mother approved.
The world’s love marketplace.
Let the love out.
Love prevents that sinking feeling.
Wait ‘til we get our love on you.
Gotta lotta love.
Got love?
If you’ve got the time, we’ve got the love.
Nothing works better than love.
Top breeders recommend love.
Let’s face the music and love.
Obey your love.
Choosy mothers choose love.
Hand-built by love.
Just do love.
Only love has the answer.
Strong and beautiful, just like love.
With a name like love, it has to be good.
Turn loose the love.
Is love in you?
Let the love begin.
Hope it’s love, it’s love, we hope it’s love.
Love is so bracing.
Come one, come all to love.
All you need is love and a dream.
He who thinks love, drinks love.
Love keeps going and going…
Life should taste as good as love.
Snap! Crackle! Love!
Oh hungry? Oh love!
Get the door – it’s love!
Love – it does a body good.
Great love. Great times.
Tonight, let it be love.
Step into the love.
Love, and on, and on…
I think, therefore love.
More love please.

Happy Love Day everyone! I love you guys!

containing the universe...

So I was home today battling the stomach flu and after sleeping most of the day I decided to check my email as I had not yet received word on my acceptance to attend a summit in London in April on human trafficking. I logged in and found the following email...

Dear Christina,
Thank you for applying to our Bringing the World Home: Stopping Human Trafficking conference. We apologize for the delay in responding to your application. We received a record number of applications and it took more time than expected to go through them all! However, we are delighted to inform you that you have been selected for the summit and, based on your outstanding application we have also decided to award you with a Young Global Leaders scholarship, which will cover the complete cost of your registration, which includes tuition and five meals. We have chosen you based on your remarkable background and your commitment to global awareness.

The conference is taking place at the Syracuse Centre’s Faraday House at 48 Old Gloucester Street in downtown London on Friday April 27th through Sunday April 29th, 2007. On Friday, April 27th, registration and light refreshments will run from
1:00pm-1:30pm, with the conference starting promptly at 1:30pm and running until 8:15pm. On Saturday, April 28th, it will run from 9:15am (with breakfast from
8:00am-9:00am) until 5:00pm, when we will depart for guided walking tours of
London. On Sunday, April 29th, we will have breakfast from 9:00am-9:30am and the conference will end at 2:00pm. You can click here to see a picture of this building and a map or click here to see additional information about the Centre. The closest Tube stop are Russell Square and Holborn. At the conference, high-achieving, young American leaders living and studying abroad and their international peers will learn strategies for talking about global issues with the public, techniques for organizing town hall meetings on America’s role in the world, and have the opportunity to discuss methods for dealing with "reverse culture shock" after living abroad and postgraduate opportunities in international affairs. The summit will also feature high-level panel discussions. Click here to see the conference schedule. (Speakers are still being confirmed for some panels.) Our goal for the summit is both to engage in deep and well-informed conversation about human trafficking and to equip you with the skills to bring these conversations back to your campus. To prepare for the summit, you may want to take a quick look at several guides that we'll be going over during the course of the conference.

First, our organizers’ toolkits are kits of online materials that will help you to put together a town hall discussion on your campus as part of one of our global town hall series. We change the topics slightly each semester, but our current
initiatives are: (please note that they are directed towards U.S. students but are easily applicable to international students)
Hope Not Hate: The Future of U.S.-Muslim World Relations
Fighting for What’s Right: Reforming the International Trade System
Securing the Future: Oil Dependence, Climate Change, and You
A Better, Safer World: Stopping the Spread of Deadly Weapons
Being a Good Neighbor: The Future of U.S.-Latin American Relations
Global Governance for a Changing World: U.S., U.N., I.C.C.: U.N. reform & U.S. relations with the I.C.C.?

Second, the U.S. in the World Guide is a guide that will prepare you to discuss global issues with your peers and other Americans in the U.S. We’ll be going over this guide
briefly at the conference, so feel free to take a look at it now!

If you require accommodation in London we can recommend the Ashlee House hostel or the Generator Hostel. Prices range from ?11-?37. Please book with them directly.

We hope that the above materials get you excited about the retreat. We’ve selected you because of your extraordinary background, and because of your commitment to raising global consciousness within your university community and around the world. We are very excited to work with you in that effort. If you have any lingering questions or concerns, please visit our frequently asked questions page, e-mail me here at kchristie@aidemocracy.org or call me at +1 203-773-1202.

We are looking forward to seeing you in London for what is sure to be a fun and
energizing weekend of events.

With our best wishes,

Americans for Informed Democracy
45 Court Street
New Haven, CT 06511 U.S.A.
AIDemocracy.org

So it looks like I will be going to London at the end of April. I am so thankful for this opportunity that God has given me. It is my prayer that he will be glorified in all things that I am involved in while there. Since the scholarship does not cover travel and lodging, I need to get some fundraising done. I already have over $100 from a couple different people coming to me. I am a little nervous about the idea of fundraising. I have never been good at or comfortable with asking people for help when I need something, let alone want something. On the other hand, I know that if God wants me there, I have nothing to worry about. He will make a way for me and provide for me sufficiently.
Thanks to all of you for your steady prayers. Keep them coming! I love you.

"The heart that breaks open can contain the whole universe." ~ Joanna Macy

human trafficking 101...

Human trafficking is a form of modern day slavery. Wikipedia defines it as “the commercial trade of human beings, who are subjected to involuntary acts such as begging, sexual exploitation (prostitution, forced marriage, etc…), or unfree labor (involuntary servitude or working in sweatshops). Trafficking involves a process of using physical force, fraud, deception, or other forms of coercion or intimidation to obtain, recruit, harbor, and transport people.”

Trafficked people most often come from the poorer regions of the world, where opportunities are limited and are often from the most vulnerable in society (such as runaways, refugees, or other displaced persons), especially in post-conflict situations (Kosovo, Bosnia, etc…). But they also come from ANY social background, class, or race.

Generally, people who are seeking entry into other countries might be picked up by traffickers and misled into thinking that, upon being smuggled across the border of that country, they will be free.

Women and children are the groups that are most commonly targeted by traffickers and, therefore, have the highest victimization rates.

• •Children sold after parents having been deceived
• •Women misled into thinking they are getting good jobs
• •Men are also trafficked for hard labor or to work in restaurants, as janitors, in sweatshop factories, or in migrant agricultural work.

Escape from these conditions is difficult and extremely dangerous.

The US State Department estimates that 600,000 to 800,000 men, women, and children are trafficked across international borders each year. Of those, 80% are women and girls, and 50% are minors.

But this isn’t just happening internationally. A surprising 50,000 people are trafficked into or transited through the United States each year. After drug dealing, trafficking of humans is tied with arms (guns, etc…) dealing as the second largest criminal industry in the world, and it’s the fastest growing. Prior to October 2000 there was no comprehensive Federal law in place to protect victims of trafficking or to prosecute their traffickers.

What can YOU do?

• •Shop fair trade stores (10,000 Villages; World of Good; etc…)
• •Be aware of where all of your bought items are coming from. Old Navy and Wal-Mart have a history of using sweatshops.
  
• •Give “Loose Change to Loosen Chains.” Start a campaign in your area. It's a campaign originally designed for students and campuses but don't let that stop you. There is $10.5 billion in loose change in the United States alone every year. Let's give some of that to help free modern day slaves!
  
• •Go to International Justice Mission’s website by clicking on the link to find more ways you can help.
  
• PRAY!

(Information provided by Wikipedia)

a little o' this & a little o' that...

I am still waiting to hear about London. I was supposed to have heard this last Tuesday. So I emailed on Wednesday. She emailed back telling me not to worry, that they haven't gone through applications yet. And she said that I should know by this next week. So I am still waiting. Believe me, I will let everyone know just as soon as I know something.

Classes are well underway and I am loving most of them. I could actually do without my Intro to Paraprofessional Counseling II class. But the others: Psychology of Women, Peace Studies, and Expressions of Faith are really, really good. I am thoroughly enjoying them so far.

Today, I have felt a little agitated. I don't really know what it is. It's like, I really want to be alone right now and I can't go anywhere to get away from people. It's so exhausting. I just want to be by myself for a couple days. To think about things. To just chill. To just do whatever. It would help if I had a car. It comes out in how I talk to people too. And I really don't like that. I just want to tell them to leave me alone for a while. But it's different here. I could tell someone that and they would take it wrong. Like I said, it's so exhausting.

I saw Al Gore's An Inconvenient Truth last night at a community dialogue thing. It was fascinating, depressing, and scary all at the same time. We watched it and then discussed in small groups for a while afterwards. When I am done here, I think I would like to live in an area where I don't need a car, so preferably somewhere where there's a mass transit system. I had no idea that the U.S. was the cause of the majority of the global warming crisis that's taking place. I walked there and it was interesting afterwards to see everyone else getting into their big expensive SUVs to drive home. I wanted to scream at them. But instead I just laughed at the irony of it all.

I have been thinking lately. I know, I know. Scary, right? Seriously though, when I was at the airport in Kansas City a few weeks ago, waiting to catch a flight to Salt Lake to to catch another one to Anchorage, I saw a little boy there. He couldn't have been more than 3 probably. But he was running in that way that toddlers do: cute and toddly. He ran right up to a woman sitting on the floor, a stranger, and looked at her and put his hand on her face. She smiled of course and made funny faces at him. He laughed and then held up his arms, just beckoning her to pick him up. I imagine she refused because she didn't know where his parents were and if they were watching, she didn't want to freak them out. So then he turned toward the woman's husband who was standing right next to her. And again, he held up his little toddler arms. And then his dad came running after him snatching him. The image hasn't left my mind since really. He was so trusting with complete strangers. He was just a boy standing in front of a couple asking them to love him. And he was refused. It tore my heart in two really. He's so young and he's already been refused the love that he so desperately wanted. Rejected, in a sense. Now I realize the couple's reaction, knowing his parents must be close by and not wanting to freak them out. But it was still painful to watch the little boy's mouth turn down a little. He was offering himself to them and was refused.

There are so many things that I have been thinking about because of this but the most persistent is this: When did I stop trusting people like that? He wasn't afraid to ask for what he wanted. He just put himself out there, so vulnerable and sweet and innocent. I don't really offer myself to people without them doing the same for me. I can be vulnerable but usually not before some vulnerability on the other's part generally. I wonder how many more friends I might have if I did this. But then conversely, I also wonder how many times the scene would have been the same. Me holding my arms out for someone or asking for something that I want only to be refused. Just some things I have been thinking about lately. And I have been praying that the little boy experiences little rejection in his life and that he will always be trusting and brave enough to ask for what he wants.

And because I now live in Seahawk country and I am rooting for neither the Colts nor the Bears, I am watching the Superbowl tomorrow strictly for the commercials. I couldn't care less who wins. But I hope your team wins, whoever it is.

Soon I am going to post some of the information on human trafficking that I have collected in my research. I know at least a couple of you requested that. It's coming soon.

Shalom.

lowlights and london update...

As good as my trip home was, there were some low points of the trip.

* Cancer. I found out that my grandmother, my dad's mom, has Basal Cell cancer around her eyes. It's gone pretty deep. They are having to remove her eyelid and do major reconstructive surgery. Please pray for her.
* Displaced. I felt like I was displaced for a large part of the trip. Kinda like I had been gone so long that I didn't belong anymore. And like I had changed so much so why hadn't everyone else, or why hadn't the city.
* Best friends? Not knowing if I could still call my best friend "my best friend." We hadn't really talked for a long time and I felt so far removed from her life that I wasn't sure what to call her. It was strange to go back and realize that she had been seeing someone new for 4-5 months and I didn't really know anything about him. I had known all her boyfriends from the very beginning. It was also strange to see the ways in which she changed as well over the last year. It felt to me, at times, a little bit like I was "competition" for some of her new friends that I didn't know but that had been there during these changes, had witnessed them, had walked her through them, and already knew Jack. It seemed to me, for a while anyway, like we were strangers becoming friends. It was a hard place for me. But I feel now that we will always be friends. There's a history between us that is long and palpable like southern summer days. Comforting. Familiar. Sweet.
* Commercialism. I was overwhelmed almost instantly with the amount of commercialism and materialism that is on display there. That is the one thing that puts me off about moving back. I live now in a place that is so simple, so laid back. It's a place that seems far removed from the American Dream and society's scramble to achieve it.
* Failed plans. I didn't get to see everyone that I wanted to see or do everything I wanted to do or eat everything that I wanted to eat. But everything I did get to do was all stuff I wanted to do. So I am very grateful.
* Some things never change. I went out with an old friend from high school, with whom I have a little bit of history, and realized that he hasn't really changed at all. He would be such a good guy, if only he would grow up in some ways.
* Chiefs. Yes, they did make it to the playoffs. But why did they have to lose in the first round and do it so horribly none the less. Come on! An entire first half without any first downs? What is that? That's not football; that's like summer without sunshine or life without faith! Completely hopeless!
* Leaving. I hated leaving. I was just getting used to being back home and getting used to being with old friends again. But like I said before, once I got back to Alaska and saw friends from here I was glad I came back.

And now for an update on my trip to London in April. I applied for the summit and for the scholarship last Tuesday or Wednesday. I find out if I am accepted to go to the summit sometime before this coming Tuesday. I am not sure if I find out about the scholarship at the same time or if I have to wait on that. But I am still fairly confident that I will go to the summit regardless of the scholarship if I am accepted to attend. It's kind of nerve-wracking, this waiting is. It seems like I am almost constantly checking my UAA email account. It's ridiculous! Please continue to pray. In the event that I am accepted, I already have over $100 promised to me by people willing to help me get there! And for that, I am very grateful!

going to londontown...

Hi all! My lowlights from my month-long trip home are still coming. But I have some news that I want to share with you all first...

Every once in a while I will present current events to the student body here at Alaska Christian College to raise awareness on campus. I usually will cover 2-3 topics each time, typically up-to-date information on what's happening domestically in our government and then a major social justice issue, either domestic or international. Today was one of those days. My topics were a smaller piece on the new tax cut plan that Bush is proposing in his State of the Union address tomorrow night and then a major piece on human trafficking. I have done a lot of research on human trafficking, domestic and international, and it sickens me. Some of the things that I found out while preparing for my presentation today were shocking and horrifying and gut-wrenching. I have become so intrigued by this topic lately that I have been perusing the Internet looking for articles on it and exploring organizations that work to emancipate the victims and prosecute the traffickers. It has quickly developed into a passion of mine. So much so that I am very seriously considering changing my major to Social Justice.

So, today was my first day back on the job in public relations at Kenai Peninsula College and I was telling my boss all about the presentation I was about to give. I told her what it was about and how sick I felt after reading true stories of women and children who were sold into slavery for sexual exploitation and have since been emancipated. Not even two minutes after I had finished telling her about this she receives an email from another staff member at the college. It was about an annual summit that's held every year for student leaders. The summit is called Bringing the World Home and this year's theme is Stopping Human Trafficking. She proceeds to read me the entire email explaining when it is (at the end of April, right before finals), and other details. But when she said that it was in London, UK I had pretty much given up hope that I would be there. She goes on to say that there are full and half scholarships available for the summit for which interested students can apply. I just about lost it then. She told me that if I don't apply for it then I must be out of my mind.

The timing of it all just seemed unmistakable and impossible to ignore. So I am applying for the scholarship. I am fairly confident that I will get one. But even if I don't I am thinking of raising money to go anyway. My boss said that she would help me raise money for it too in the event that I don't get a scholarship. The cost of the summit itself is 50 pounds or about $100 and, according to the website, that covers lodging, meals, a few tourist attractions, summit materials, etc... for I think 3 days. Not to mention the experience of a lifetime and hearing internationally-acclaimed speakers stand up for those that can't stand up for themselves. And, of course, my first time ever going abroad. So I just checked flights to London from Anchorage and you can fly round-trip for $460. Yes, that's right. Roundtrip for $460, Anchorage to London and back again. Granted, the price is good for flights up to March something, but my hope is that they will continue to have good deals on flights to London.

I have a birth certificate to track down and a passport to get. And an essay to write for the scholarship. I have a lot to do. I will keep you updated. And will try to get the lowlights out this week. I just thought this was a little more important and would be a little more exciting for you to read. I can't help but think that this is something I am supposed to pursue. It was like confirmation that I am on the right track. But I don't want to be misled either. Love you all. Oh... and please pray for me that doors would be opened if I am to go to this summit.

highlights...

As promised, here is a list of highlights from my month-long vacation at home. This is going to be a fairly long list so consider yourself warned.

*70 degrees! When I boarded the plane in Anchorage on December 15, it was -5; and when I landed in Kansas City on the 16th, it was 72. My dad and I headed straight to Chipotle where we ate lunch outside. It remained in the 50s, 60s, and 70s for the better part of my stay.
*Nieces and nephews, seven of them! I miss all those kids so much it hurts. I got some good cuddle time in with them.
*Secrets! I spent 5 days at my oldest sister's (Traci's) place in Topeka along with her husband and 5 kids. I had Josiah on my lap, he's the third oldest. I asked him if he wanted to hear a secret and he said that he did. I put my lips up against his ear and made kissy noises over and over again. After that, every so often he would say, "Aunt Chwis, I want to hear a secret." And I would do it all over again. Then Hannah, the second youngest started doing it too.
*Nothing! Entire days filled with doing a whole lot of it. 'nough said, I think.
*Grilled cheese! Again, I was at Traci's place and we were having grilled cheese one day at lunch. Someone asked Hannah if she wanted to know a secret and she said that she did expecting the same kissy noises. That person must have told her that her Aunt Chris loved her because she gasped out, "Aunt Chwis loves me!" Upon hearing this I said, "I sure do. I love you whole bunches!" Then Josiah said, "I love YOU, Aunt Chwis." And I said, "I love you too, Josiah." And Hannah said, "Well, I love my grilled cheese!"
*Friends! This trip I got to spend some time with two friends in particular and we went to deeper levels in both of them - had deeper conversation, a more rich time.
*A mini high school reunion! My best friend from high school is dating someone, Jack, that we went to high school with although I don't remember him at all from back then. I remember his friends but not him. Anyway, Jack's best friend is Dirk who also went to high school with us. One night while I was staying at Nida's, we made gumbo and invited Jack and Dirk over along with Rod, also from high school but 2 years ahead of us. It was fun and weird too, to sit there 12 years later with people I didn't know before and talk about common memories.
*Kansas! I discovered for the first time the grand beauty of Kansas and Missouri. I had never noticed it before. It's a quiet beauty, the kind that I can imagine Donald Miller writing about in only the way that he can, that prose of his that brings nostalgia to the surface.
*Family! I spent gobs of time with family - aunts, uncles, cousins, fiances of cousins, grandparents, parents, etc... I miss those people!
*Cats! My dad has become a cat person since I've been in Alaska. He has never, ever, ever, ever liked cats. And now he has 3! A girl named Martha Kneader, a boy named Chester, and a little girl kitten named Moo. Watching him play with those cats warmed my heart!
*Community and fellowship! Being back at my church in the communities in which I was involved before moving was so good for my heart. Fusion and The Gathering were my communities, the places I went to when I needed to be fed - Fusion for more of a social feeding and The Gathering for a spiritual nourishment.
*Surprises! The first Sunday I was in town I went to church un-announced. After the service my friend Chad Rader saw me and did a double take and reached out to hug me. He said, "Wow! Aren't you a sight for sore eyes!"
*Reading! I got to read a lot while I was home. I enjoy doing this more than I enjoy watching movies even though I watch more movies than I do read books.
*Laughter! There was a whole lotta laughing going on almost the entire time.
*Sunrises on the lake! My dad lives on Tuttle Creek Lake in Manhattan, KS and the sun would rise from across the water and cast red-orange-yellow on the water in silvery paths of light.
*Sunsets behind the hills! The other direction on my dad's property is just miles and miles and miles of Kansas hill country. The sun would sink down behind them as though they were pillows and the sun was a head going down for the night.
*Time! I realized that my best friend from high school, Nida, and I still complete each other's sentences and say the same things at exactly the same time after so many years and after so many months of being separated. We've both changed so much but not as much as I'd thought after all.
*Love! While home I felt loved in a more complete way that I hadn't felt in a long, long time.
*Food! Chipotle / 1st Watch / Olive Garden / Tequila Harry's
*Dinner! This is very different than simply food. Dinner is when you gather with family or friends around a table and partake together - partaking of food and drink, and partaking of life.
*Zoo! Nida and I got to play zoo with Jack's daughter Lexi. And Jack was the gorilla and we were the cats and he was out to capture us.
*Late nights! The best conversations take place very late at night and very early in the morning. Especially with Nida and I.
*Internet free! I made a commitment that while I was on break, I was breaking from everything - blogging, emailing, myspacing, facebooking. It was nice.
*Dominoes! I learned to play dominoes while I was home. The same night as the gumbo, Dirk had brought his domino set. Jack and I whipped up on Dirk and Nida. I did well for my first time, I must say!
*Coffee shops! I frequented lots of coffee shops while home. Coffee shop convos rank right up there with late-night convos.
Boulevard Unfiltered Wheat with lemon / frozen margaritas with salt / wine with dinner.
*Cheap! Everything's cheaper in the midwest. Gas was $1.95 - compared to Alaska's $2.70, that's cheap!
*Movies! Going to the movies in Kenai/Soldotna means going to a building a little bigger than a large house to see a movie on one of two or three screens. And it means hitting the theater at just the right time to see what you want to see, because due to the small amount of screens they cycle movies in and out so quickly. In Kansas, going to the movies means going to huge cineplexes where there are 30 or more screens.
*Chiefs! I got to spend time with people who actually care and make a big deal out of Chiefs games and that they made it to the playoffs, even if they did lose in the first round.
Humping and mating! I learned a lot about humping trains from Sam the humpmaster and about the mating department at Hallmark cards from Amy. It was quite educational.
*Worship! I experienced the type of worship that I had been lacking and missing. I actually felt like a vacancy in me had been filled during worship at Heartland.
*Shooting! My dad and I spent a few afternoons shooting on the beach. It just proved that a little practice does make perfect. It was fun and I did really well too!
*Sewing! I was having coffee one night with Amy and as we were leaving the coffee shop my purse strap broke completely off. A couple days later my stepmom helped me make a purse out of a pair of my dad's old overalls. I love it, it's so cute! And I have gotten a lot of compliments on it too!
*More nieces and nephews! Traci told me that she's pregnant again with number 6. And she hopes it's twins - which is actually a possibility.
*Sleep! I got to stay up really late and sleep in really late without having to be anywhere in particular unless I chose to be.
*No agendas! I got to go where I wanted, when I wanted, with whom I wanted, to do what I wanted.
*Friends! Seeing my friends in Kansas and Missouri was fantastic. It was really hard to get back on the plane to come back to Alaska. But once I got here, seeing my friends from school made it worth it.
*Pummellos! This last Sunday after church in Anchorage Tom, Jesse, Adam Wilson, Laura, Anthony, and Pastor Mancini, Ryan, and I all went to New Sagaya (an organic foods market probably similar to Whole Foods) for lunch. Tom and Jesse were breaking open a Pummello, a citrus fruit that is bigger than a grapefruit and has a soft, squishy, thick skin. They were sharing it with the rest of us because we had never heard of them, let alone tasted them, and Pastor Mancini asked, "Where do these come from?" To which Tom dead-panned, "Aisle 2."

This is but a small sampling of the highlights from my trip. I am sure I could always come up with more but they would all just mean more to me than you would understand. The common theme in all of these things is love.

i am baaaack....

Hello my faithful few Internet friends. I trust that everyone had as fantastic a holiday season as I did. If I didn't get the pleasure of seeing you in person, know that you were still with me in heart and I thought about each of you. And if I did see you, thank you for making my time at home so absolutely wonderful that it was incredibly hard to get on the plane to come back to the Great North. But of course once I arrived and saw everyone it made doing just that so worth it! The atmosphere here on campus is laid back and cool again, like it was the first week, and we are acting like we actually love each other, and I suppose we do.

I wanted to blog more regularly while at home but life kept me pretty busy and I wanted to relish it instead of feeling like I had to capture the events in a post everyday. But...! I did make a list of highlights from my trip in my journal. I will post them within the next couple days. And lowlights - there were a few- will be soon to follow that.

Just wanted you all to know that I am back - both back in Alaska and back in happy bloggerland! And I missed both!