the great late debate...

Following the great date debate last night and the game of PIG, Anand and I went to my new house to drop off a carload of stuff that I was moving in. We unloaded the car, played a game of darts (he was upside down and still beat me), and then settled in for another debate - because it's what we do best. It's inevitable, every time we see each other we debate something: the definition of love and if you can still really say you love someone you haven't talked to or seen in years, whether of not you should go to the doctor for an injury, religion, dating, etc...

The topic last night, after dating, was on whether or not you should confront someone that you know is sinning. Actually, we both agreed that you should confront someone that you know is sinning but when is it appropriate and when is it not? We looked at Matthew 18:15-17. He reads the word "brother" in that passage to mean "just someone that you know, another person, everyone is your brother." I read the word "brother" to mean "someone that I am close to, someone I am in relationship with, be it a family member, a friend, or romantic partner; someone that I walk with and they walk with me, we talk consistently about spiritual matters and personal matters, keeping each other accountable."

I think it's very inappropriate to confront someone that you don't know on a more intimate level and tell them that something they are doing is wrong. I feel strongly about this because it's happened to me: a girl I knew only on a slightly-more-than-surface level at church approached me and said that I was sinning. She didn't know me, she hadn't been walking with me in my relationship with God, she had no idea where my heart was at that time, we hadn't spent any one-on-one time together. So as far as I am concerned she had no right to say what she said; it simply wasn't her business. My mind immediately went to the verse, "Let he who is without sin cast the first stone." I felt judged. I felt condemned. I felt offended. Now, if a close friend of mine had said to me the same thing, I would give it merit and really consider their concern, and talk with them about it taking it very seriously.

Anand believes that we are responsible for making sure all our "brothers" (his definition of the word) are on track. I didn't bring up my personal experience last night because I didn't think of it until just now, but he would say that there's nothing wrong with what she did. He told me that he has confronted people that he hasn't spent any one-on-one time with about things that they were doing. He said that in most situations the person has come back to thank him. He also said that in Eastern cultures the word "brother" does mean another person. If you meet someone, a man, you would call them "brother" from then on; or a woman, you would call them "sister" from then on. If we were in India, where he's from, he would refer to my father (whom he met only once) as "uncle," or my sisters' husbands (whom he met only once) as "brothers." "North America and Europe (England, etc...) is the only culture that has misinterpreted the true meaning of the word 'brother,'" he argued. I don't doubt that that is true. I am sure that in other cultures it does mean what he says it means and that our culture is different from all the others. In our culture, the only one I have ever known, we have taken the word "brother" and given it new meaning that lies well within our own comfort zones.

He continued saying that when Christ walked the earth he would call people on their sin and are we not to endeavor to be Christ-like in all things? Jesus, being God incarnate, knew them, knew each person's heart, knew where they were and if they knew God. He called them to know God, or know Him deeper, by lovingly calling attention to their struggles in a non-threatening way. When he spoke, people changed. When he spoke, things were vastly different than they were before. Even the wind and the waves couldn't ignore what he said when he spoke.

We both are very passionate people and can debate for hours about things. After maybe an hour and a half of going round and round on this (it was at that time almost midnight), I told him that he wouldn't change my mind on this and that I needed to go to bed. It wasn't that he was right or wrong, or that I was right or wrong, we both agreed that we are called to point out areas of sinfulness to our "brothers." But we had to agree to respectfully disagree on exactly WHO our "brothers" are in this situation. We embraced and parted ways for the night.

Wouldn't you feel judged or condemned if someone you barely knew pointed out your faults and the areas of sinfulness in your life? What are your thoughts on THIS issue?