merry christmas!

As I suspected I haven't been able to check my email or update my blog for about a week now. And I am not sure when I will be able to check it after tonight.

California is great! It's wonderful to see my family again. My mom's identical twin sister lives here and all my cousins. I haven't seen any of them for 4.5 years and I miss them immensely. It was, however, strange to sit across the table from my aunt who looks so much like Mom it's insane. She looks like her, talks like her, laughs like her, stands like her, everything. I actually have almost called her Mom a few times since I have been here which is just strange. I cried yesterday because of this. It's like I am looking at my mom and it's comforting and awkward all at the same time. I find myself staring at her a lot of the time. Most of you know my mom passed away 5.5 years ago now so you can imagine how surreal this all is. I can't really put it into words. Aunt Hope (my mom's name was Faith) will say something and it will be something funny or off-the-wall or something and if it had been my mom I would have responded by saying, "Oh, Moo-oom!" I have wanted to do that a few times. Hopey will respond to things in the exact same way that I imagine Mom would if she were here. I can almost predict what she will say or how she'll respond. I haven't really experienced this before, not even 5 years ago when I was here and Hopey and I were able to spend time together. What a blessing it is that I still have Hope to keep my mother's memory so alive and vivid.

I am staying with my cousin Josh and his wife Angie and today their friend Sal stopped by the house. Josh introduced me as his cousin and I could just feel Sal looking at me and then he said, "You look like you're related to Hope." And last night we were all at dinner celebrating my other cousin Brian's graduation from WyoTech. I was walking out with Larry (my uncle) and had my arm hooked in his when a friend of their's that they hadn't seen for a while came up and shook Larry's hand and then looked at me and squinted and said, "Hope? You look good!" I explained that I am her niece. When my mom was alive I was always told that I look so much like her. And when friends see pictures of Mom when she was young they think it's me. I am blessed. My dad always says, "Thank God she looks like her mother!" My mom was beautiful so I take it as a compliment. I used to be annoyed by it because I wanted to look like just ME and not anyone else. But now I kind of like it, it's kinda nice actually. I miss her! But I am so thankful that I have Hopey who in a way keeps my mom alive.

MERRY CHRISTMAS EVERYONE! I LOVE YOU ALL!