i took the piece he offered me, tasted it, and saw that it was good...

I just got back today from a short mission trip I took over the weekend to one of the remote villages here in Alaska. Yes, a day late due to inclement weather but right on time because it provided me with an opportunity (that I probably otherwise would not have taken) to reflect on the experiences I had just encountered while they were still fresh in my mind and on my heart.



I was overwhelmed. I was one of 4 ACC students who were chosen to go and be "staff" at a retreat for native high schoolers from all over Alaska. Most of them live in these tiny villages that you can only get to by plane because of a lack of roads. Most of them have already been through so much in their young lives that it absolutely breaks my heart. Alaska is number one in all the statistics: suicide, homicide, divorce, alcoholism, drug abuse, domestic violence, rape, molestations, abandonment, the list goes on and on... Suicide back home in Kansas is hard to deal with but here it's an every day occurrence. In many villages groups of friends will make pacts with each other that they will all do it together. Most of them follow through leaving nothing but a wake of sorrow, questions, and another reason to not trust in a God who would allow that to happen in its path. What makes it even harder is that a lot of these young people have never heard the gospel. Some villages don't have churches. And those that have heard the gospel find it very difficult to believe in God when their lives are consistently wrecked with the loss of a friend or family member or they don't know why their mom left 3 years ago for a 2-year school and hasn't come home yet or why they were raped over the summer or any number of things and all to often it's a combination of all of them.



On Saturday evening I had the opportunity to share my story with them. I was completely overwhelmed by the thought of sharing my story with 100 strangers and being told only 20-30 minutes beforehand to prepare didn't help much. Or maybe it did since I had to solely rely on God to deliver the words through my lips. Had I had more time I probably would have written it out and had it planned but it would have been what I wanted to say and what I thought was important and may have been very different than what was actually shared. I have never shared my story like that and it was a powerful experience for me. One, I did it and I lived - contrary to my belief beforehand, I was so sure I was going to die but I didn't. Two, I was affirmed by several people afterwards and that made me realize that people out there are hurting because of much of the same things I have gone through and that I can do something about it. Three, it gave me courage for the next time I share it (in just a couple weeks here at ACC in front of my fellow students, which is even more intimidating because these people see me everyday). Four, it was a big lesson in relying on the Holy Spirit to guide me and that was probably the most powerful part of it for me. To have no idea what you're going to say next and then to have words just flow out of you by divine force is something that I will not soon, and hopefully never, forget.



The last 8 weeks (I know, hard to believe it's really been that long) have been transforming for me and I have learned a lot. But the sum of them together doesn't add up to the experiences of the last 4 days. I saw the lives of young people transformed from hopeless to hopeful, from empty to overflowing, from desperate to purposeful, from heaps to upright posture, from isolation to fellowship. I remember one girl in particular. At the opening of the weekend on Friday night, she sat alone off to the side, hard look on her face, watching everyone play, and daring anyone to come near her. By the time she left on Sunday afternoon she was smiling and playing basketball with everyone else and asking us in what ways she could help us clean. She had been renewed and reborn.

Last night during the quiet time I had, due to my flight being cancelled because of weather, I was seeking the Lord's guidance on what he wanted me to take away from the weekend the most. All night and all day today I have had the passage "...if you love me, feed my lambs... if you love me, take care of my sheep..." deeply impressed upon my heart. It has been at the forefront of my mind and continues to be.



This time next year could see me in a one-year youth ministry internship program that CYAK (Covenant Youth of Alaska) is implementing. There are 4 positions and I have been offered one of them. I will be raising my own support and travelling to villages ministering to a group of people who need it the most. This is ministry: bringing light into a darkened world, offering hope to the hopeless, love for the hurting souls, comfort to the deeply grieved, and a message of grace for the lost. It will, no doubt, be hard work that at times will seem fruitless, but I know will also be very rewarding. I can't wait!



I took the large slice of pie that he offered me and tasted it. Right away I noticed it was bittersweet, like rhubarb and also like rhubarb, it thankfully tasted good.