what's next...

Earlier this week I said I would have at least one new post up this weekend. And here it is. It's not the one that I was working on because, well... because I am still working on it and because I am lazy at this particular moment and because... just because.

I was emailing a friend back who had asked me where I am at right now, how I am feeling, what's next after this year, and for prayer requests. To make it easy, I thought I would just post this for everyone that way you can pray for me too and know what's up in my life. So here goes...

Isn't it cool how the end result can make all the work leading up to it so worth
it in the end? It's amazing how things work out that way - work can actually be
rewarding when you can see a specific end in sight and it's the end that you
wanted to come to all along. Love it!

I can relate to you feeling like
you don't know what you're doing and relying on God. That's a little bit where I
am right now. I know this school year still has 6 months or so left in it and
the task of figuring out what to do afterward is looming. At the beginning of
this semester I wasn't too worried about it because I had plenty of time. But
lately, the last few weeks, I have really started to process and become
increasingly overwhelmed with this idea that I don't know what lies beyond the
middle of May. It's a little scary. I have all kinds of ideas about what I want
to do - all very different from each other - and am just up in the air about
which one's right for me right now. For instance I really want to continue my
education and get my 4-year degree from a 4-year Christian school. I want to
design my own major in Christian Leadership or major in Christian counseling.
Where I am now doesn't offer 4-year degrees, so do I leave a community I love to
go to school somewhere else? If so, where? I would love to be on staff here at
Alaska Christian College. There's a possibility of a position coming open here
that I am well-qualified for and have even filled in when others have been on
vacation. My only hesitation is that it's completely a raise-your-own-support
position. I know that, like you said, the effort put forth would be worth it in
the end but is it the right choice? I would also love to break into the
non-profit industry somehow. Or even start a new one myself. I would also love
to do ministry here in Alaska. There's such a need for revival here that it's
almost palpable. The people here are hungry for something and most have lived
without hope their whole lives. I would love to help bring about a revival in
this land. I would like to see more of an Emergent movement take place here in
Alaska. There's a lack of "church for the unchurched" type churches here in
Alaska, and yet, I feel that's the type of church that would be the most
beneficial and reap the most rewards in terms of furthering the Kingdom.
Basically, I find that there are two common themes in what I want to do: 1:
advocating on behalf of the oppressed, being a voice for the voiceless, and
offering hope to the hopeless and 2: impacting others for the Kingdom.

Now with all that said, I don't really feel that it's a matter of what
God's will is for me. I think he doesn't really have individual, specific wills
for each of us. While following God's will is, no doubt, the most important
thing, I also feel that God has given us a moral will (set out for us in the
Bible) for us to follow but beyond that I think his will is for us to actively
love him and pursue relationship with him. He leaves the rest of it up to us. I
once had a pastor that told me, Love God and do what you want. It resonated with
me. If you love God actively and whole-heartedly, you're likely not going to
intentionally do something outside his moral will. He's given us free will to do
what we want within his moral will. Does that make sense? I hope so. So I
strongly feel like whichever path I choose I will be within his will.

Prayer requests? Gosh, that's a good question - and an important one. I
guess I would say 1: pray that doors would opened that would guide to a decision
that's right for me; 2: pray that no matter which path I choose that it would be
a place where God is already working and I would join in work with him there; 3:
and this one is a little selfish and VERY honest so consider yourself warned,
but for a husband, someone to love, someone to argue with, someone to go through
all of the ups and downs with, someone to witness my life and for me to witness
their's, someone with whom I CAN (physically) live without but choose not to
live without, just someone to worship with and love God with. 4: for endurance
for these last 2 weeks of classes before break; and 5: that my break will be
rewarding, refreshing, and rejuvenating enough to carry me through next
semester.

So, yeah, this got a little long. Hopefully you made it this
far. I so appreciate your prayers and that we've been able to keep in contact
with each other since our blogs "met" over a year ago. Your prayers have been a
blessing, as well as your writing. Thank you.

I best get to doing some
homework.

Shalom, CJ